


A bunch of idiots with a mountain of gay sprinkles

by GhostCell06



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Nen, Bully Chrollo, F/F, I'll add more shit, I'm so tired, M/M, Mostly Illumi and Hisoka, My old account was deleted, Non-Binary Kurapika, Pretty nice troupe, Thank you bell for inspiring me<3, This isn't me copying someone elses work, Violence, gay everywhere, like too much gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:01:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 11,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28660662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostCell06/pseuds/GhostCell06
Relationships: Feitan/Phinks (Hunter X Hunter), Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck, Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight, Machi/Pakunoda, Uvogin | Ubogin/Shalnark
Comments: 17
Kudos: 25





	1. Ask for pronouns

Killua walked into his apartment after having a rather gloomy day. He turned on the dim lights and looked around. There was the couch, the small coffee table, a separate coffee table, and 2 corridors. Down one corridor was the kitchen, something he hardly ever used. Killua knew he was a terrible cook. Along the other corridor was a hallway that leads to three different rooms. The bathroom, his bedroom, and a guest bedroom that he just uses for storage, it wasn't like he had any guest. He dropped his bags and just fell onto his couch, moaning in complaints. He recently got a new job, something he isn't particularly proud of. He got a job at the local Mcdonalds. At the time it seemed right, minimum wage pay, close to the apartment, and a relatively decent distance from his school. He hasn't got the chance to meet any co-workers that he can at the very least endure. Most of the ones he met were teenage boys that want some money to go on a date. A few actually misgendered him thinking he was female. He was slightly irritated but it's not the first time and probably not the last time either. Yet he knows he can't really hold it against them, he certainly had some feminine features he was secretly proud of. About 10 minutes after he plopped himself onto the couch and fell asleep.

Killua woke up, only to be blinded by his dim lights. With a painful groan, he checked the time on his phone. 3:23. He sat up, waddled over to the hallway, made a right turn, put his phone to charge, and collapsed on the bed.

𝘉𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘉𝘦𝘦𝘱. Killua shifts his body to try and ignore the alarm but to no avail. He slowly rises up, paying close attention to his surroundings, only to hear the bed creak to his movements. He turns off the alarm and smacks his lips. He unglues himself from the uncomfy bed and slips on the hardwood floor because of those damn fluffy socks. "fack." Killua says as he slowly gets up. He walks out the door and heads straight into the bathroom right in front of his room. He turns on the light and turns the nobs on the shower. The water starts running. He starts to remove his clothes, wincing at some dull pain. He removes his shirt first, then the shorts, and finally some rather tight underwear that has been hurting his morning wood. He steps into the shower only to hate life and the human race. He was still...wearing those damn fucking socks. He removed them and flung them at the wall, with the socks making the "splat" sound. He then takes a rather enjoyable shower.

About 25 minutes later he gets out of the shower, wraps himself around a towel, and heads back to his room. He starts to dry his hair which takes a good 10 minutes. Once he finished with that he put on his Mcdonalds's uniform. He hated how brightly colored and dull it was at the same time, reminded him of a depressed clown, nonetheless he put the uniform on. He grabbed his phone, shoved it in his pocket, and walked out of the apartment.

After 10 minutes of walking, he makes it to the fast-food joint. He walked in to find someone that was new. "Hello there, are you the new worker?" said the blonde person.  
Killua responded with "Of course, I don't remember seeing you here yesterday." The blonde person replied, "Sorry, I was out with my boyfriend." As they said that the person made a weird chuckle, Killua caught wind of this and thought that the person was probably meant to be there yesterday.   
"By the way, what are your pronouns?" This question took Killua by surprise, usually, people just assume or, you know, don't talk about him. This gave Killua a faint smile that he hid practically immediately.  
"He/him." He answered, after a small pause he asked, "What about you? Also, I never caught your name" The blonde person gave a noticeable smile, "Kurapika, They/them, he/him. And what's your name stranger?" "Killua, Killua Zoldyck."  
"Well then Killua Zoldyck, let me show you around. Today it's just you, me, and the main cook, Ponzo."  
A loud yell came from the kitchen, "HI STRANGER, I LIKE BEES."  
"..."  
"Okay"  
"Yeahhhhh, Ponzo says that a lot, ignore her"  
"SHUT YOUR MOUTH YOU POKEMON THAT ONLY OLD PEOPLE KNOW"  
Killua was going to like it here.


	2. Poor Chrollo. Bully the straights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bully the hetero, be the homo  
> -me

Working with Kurapika and Ponzu was rather difficult. Not that they were rude or idiotic, well they were idiotic but they knew how to do their job. The hardest part of working with them was the problem was the fact that Killua found that he was spending too much time laughing, being playfully bullied, teased, and laughed at by his height. His short height of 5'4 was nothing compared to Kurapika with their 5'9. Killua learned that his neck is very sensitive that day from just looking up. Although Ponzu was shorter than Kurapika, she was still 5'6, giving her the right to bully Killua.

The job was fine, it was just listening, clicking, and talking. But then the thing that Killua hated the most. Bathroom duty ~_~  
By the vote of Kurapika and Ponzu, Killua was forced to clean the bathroom against his will. As he was cleaning he noticed that Kurapika and Ponzu were just staring at him clean. Killua tried to ignore them and stayed on his knees to clean. "Nice ass, Boys like that kind of thing." Killua choked on Kurapika's comment and just slowly turned his head. Kurapika smirked at the sight of the milky white boy blush, meanwhile, Ponzu walked away before Killua pounced on Kurapika, attacking them in the process.

Later in the day, Killua's shift was about to end. The day was full of laughter, annoyance, and embarrassment. The manager walked in through the door. They were tall, even taller than Kurapika, wearing earrings, and appeared to be in some makeup. Killua froze, thinking that the boss wouldn't like employees laughing about. Kurapika noticed how Killua randomly stopped laughing and went out from the kitchen to check on them, only to giggle softly. "I see you met the manager. That's Hisoka, he's very chill, somehow very attractive, and loves a good laugh, you don't have to act all serious around him." Hisoka chuckled at the sight of a frozen Killua. "Your name is Killua, am I correct?" Killua, still frozen, stuttered. "Y-yes, I also use he/him pronouns." 

"Ah~, thank you for letting me know. You know, my partner has a brother named Killua. How wonderful~." Killua, starting to slowly ease up froze even more from those words. "Umm, your partner doesn't happen to be Illumi?"  
Hisoka's chuckles turned into a roar of laughter, it got to the point where he fell onto the floor. Killua was convinced he pissed himself.

"Well then, don't expect special treatment."  
"I-I won't"  
"Good, now back to work. Also Pika, Chrollo shift starts in 10 minutes, please don't kill him this time. Last time I found him staring at a wall saying 'I'm a good boy'"  
"That bitch deserved it."  
"Glad we agree because I recorded it"

Killua's shift has just ended and as he walks out, someone with a cross on their head walks in, says "Not fucking again." and walks right out to take the back entrance. Kurapika meanwhile was yelling, "Hey Chrollo, the boss told me not to bully you today, but I'm a bad bitch so be prepared!" Killua could hear the whimpers of the man who he assumes is Chrollo.

As Killua is walking home he remembers that he forgot to ask for his co-workers' phone numbers. He calls Hisoka, his boss asking if he can have the other co-workers' numbers. He was given the numbers and texted Kurapika first.   
Killua: Hey, is this Kurapika?

Kurapika: The one and only bitch :3

Killua: lol  
After a few moments, he was added to a group chat  
Killua: Hello?

Leorio: WHO THE FUCK IS THIS HUMAN

Leorio: Also pronouns pls

Killua: he/him

Leorio: damn, where the chicks

Kurapika: YOU BITCH

Gon: Not again.

Gon: Also hello there, what's your name stranger

Killua: My name is Killua, what is all you people pronouns and names

Gon: I'm Gon! He/him :P

Leorio: Hello Killua, I'm Leorio, he/him. Bisexual

Kurapika: You know me, I'm the bitch, Kurapika, he/him, they/them. Gay as FUCK

Gon: Oh, I'm straight

Killua: I'm also gay as shit

Kurapika: Everyone, bully the closet

Gon: FJHEIBFESBIU NOOOOOOOOOOOO

Leorio: Ha, Straggot

Killua: Bully the hetero. Be the homo

Gon: *sad everything*

Hisoka: Uwu~

Illumi: KILLUA?????


	3. Gay Panic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killua is gay

Illumi: KILLUA?????

Illumi: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU HERE?

Killua: I DON'T KNOW, WHY ARE YOU FUCKING MY BOSS

Hisoka: Otherway around sweetie~

Killua: ...

Killua: Can I quit

Kurapika: No bitch

Illumi: tea

Alluka: What the absolute fuck

Killua: ALLUKA???? WHEN, WHERE, HOW?

Alluka: Also Nanika is here

Killua: HOW DO YOU KNOW THESE PEOPLE???

Alluka: I found Hisoka and Illumi making out. Illumi begged not to tell mom, so I said as long as I meet their friends. Here I am.

Leorio: DID YOU GUYS SERIOUSLY RUIN MY DAUGHTERS INNOCENCE???

Kurapika: ^^^

Killua: Since when did you get adopted??

Alluka: Never, waiting for poor man Oreo to afford me

Leorio: IM TRYING FOR FUCK SAKES.

Meanwhile, as Killua is staring at his phone, he runs into a pole and collapses. "Ah, FUCK." His head is spinning and he is currently too dizzy to even get up. Soon he hears a voice asking if he's alright. Killua gives no response and the man helps him up. He was about to thank the man until he saw the person's face. He was absolutely stunning. His facial feature was so defined, his muscles were extremely noticeable. Killua was too much in awe to even keep his eyes off the man's biceps. He was having the biggest gay panic of his life. The man looked concerned and then gave a bright smile.   
"Are you ok there? I saw you were lying there for a few minutes." Killua was unable to even give a verbal answer, all he could do was slightly nod. His eyes began to wander lower, till he reached the crotch. At that moment he snapped out of his daze, realizing he was literally drooling over a man he just met. He physically shut his jaw close and after a painful few seconds of silence, he finally said something.   
"t-thank you, sexy stranger." Killua paused at his words, just thinking of ways to excuse what he said. The other man just gave a painful awkward laugh   
"No problem, you should really watch where you are going. But I'm just gonna ignore that last thing."   
The sexy man kept chuckling, "Well then, hope to see you around." Killua was barely able to choke the words out of his mouth "You too!

Alluka: TRY HARDER OLD MAN

Kurapika: BULLY OLD MAN LEORIO

Hisoka: That can be arranged~

Illumi: Hisoka dear, stop being a creep

Hisoka: I will give you a bonus if you allow me to fight Leorio at denny's

Leorio: As if they'll let you do that. He loves me too much, I'm more valuable than money

Kurapika: Sure sure Mr. Oreo but how much of a bonus we talking

Leorio: BFDIUBWIUDFUIHSUI BITCH

Hisoka: $50 extra <3

Kurapika: Bet

Leorio: SERIOUSLY???

Kurapika: Yes >:3

Alluka: Let me bring the popcorn

Illumi: Let me bring the camera

Gon: Let me drag Leorio's ass 

Leorio: FUCK YOU GUYS

Leorio has left the chat

Kurapika: fucking pussy

Leorio has joined the chat

Leorio: fuck you guys so much

Kurapika: only I get that honor

Illumi: bleach plz

Killua: ...

Killua: I just had the biggest fucking gay panic of my life

Gon: what does that mean?

Illumi: Who let the hetero child in here

Gon: ...I'm fucking 19

Illumi: Cishetero male dumbass

Gon: better

Kurapika: Oh my sweet closeted child. Gay panic is when someone falls in love with someone of the same gender. It's like when hetero's swoon over a girl. This is the same thing but for gays like us.

Gon: But I'm not gay

Leorio: Shut it straggot

Gon: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

Illumi: typical straggot

Gon: HFUEBHFBWIUBFUI BULLIES

Kurapika: Yes ;3

Gon: Go commit arson

Kurapika: Maybe I will. Gang, arson time?

Hisoka: Oh fuck yes

Leorio: Baby you know it

Alluka: Yessssssss, bonding

Nanika: K

Illumi: Can't, I have to study

Leorio: NERD

Illumi: says the failing Med student

Leorio: Sad nerd :(

Chrollo: Dumb*

Kurapika: Fuck off before I throw some buns at you

Leorio: Kinky

Chrollo: Please god no, in the 10 minutes our shifts overlapped you sent over 100 solid fucking burger buns. My everything is numb from being pounded

Leorio: 0-0

Kurapika: Taste my ass bitch

Hisoka: Chrollo, back to work <3

Chrollo: Ok :(

Killua: Guys, I'm having a gay panic. I was fucking drooling

Leorio: Ngl man, seems kinda gay to me

Kurapika: Ewww, the g word

Killua: GUYS HELP ME

Gon: I'm straight, can't help :3

Illumi: what did they look like?

Killua: Fuck I can't remember. All I know was that he had huge muscles, tall as shit, green hair, and a dreamy face

Kurapika: Jesus fucking Christ, were you staring at his cock too?

Killua: ...

Hisoka: Oh my~

Leorio: JNCIUDASBUICBISDUICBDUIBSUIBSD, YOU STARED AT HIS COCK????

Killua: NO...maybe. LOOK AT STARED AT HIS CROTCH FOR LIKE 2 SECONDS

Illumi: let me guess, you had a fansty

Killua: n-no

Kurapika: FUCKING BOTTOM TWINK

Killua: W-what, how

Illumi: Killua, you are fucking stuttering over text. How does that shit even work

Killua: WHOOPS GTG

Alluka: So fucking gay

Nanika: I know right

Leorio: ^

Hisoka: ^^

Illumi: ^^^

Kurapika: ^^^^

Chrollo: ^^^^^

Kurapika: FUCK OFF

Chrollo: Yes ma'am

Chrollo: ...oh shit

Kurapika: 

Leorio: Oh god

Hisoka: Entertainment~

Illumi: fucking run

Chrollo: Fucking done  
\-----------------------------------------------  
Project get them together group chat

Kurapika: It's fucking Gon

Alluka: Definitely


	4. Phantom Troupe

Once Chrollo finishes his shift, he starts to head back to his large apartment. The apartment was inhabited by a group of people. They are called, The Phantom Troupe.

Most of them are outcast from normal society in one way or the other. But they all did share a few things, they were all members of the LGBTQ+ community and often participate in events to spread awareness, all of them are in love with animals, most notable, Pakunoda. The troupe is feared by many. Most of the members are physically, incredibly strong.

Uvogin, Shalnark, Chrollo are gay. 

Pakunoda and Machi are lesbian. 

Phinks is bisexual. 

Shizuku and Kalluto are pansexual.

Franklin, Bonolenov, and Kortopi are asexual. 

Feitan is demisexual and gay

Kalluto and Kortopi are non-binary.

Nobunga is unopen about his own sexuality and gender identity but he fully supports the rest of the troupe.

Hisoka is also pansexual but left the troupe for personal reasons.

Uvogin and Shalnark are together. Feitan and Phinks are together. Pakunoda and Machi are together. The rest are currently single.

"SHALNARK!!!" screamed Uvogin. "What is it, geez." said the smaller blonde. "kisses," Uvogin said softly. With a small sigh, Shalnark gave a smirk and gave his partner a small kiss on the lips. "GAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY," Phinks said and then started coughing for holding that too long. "You gay as well," said the short as fuck Feitan. "Shut it fei." Feitan was about to respond but then they all heard the door jingle. Chrollo has returned home from work. He immediately went into his room and got a change of clothes. When he came out he was wearing a suit. "What's the occasion?" said the pink-haired Machi. "Oh nothing, I'm applying for a school." Franklin popped out of his room "Major?" Chrollo responded "Business." A loud groan came from Uvogin "Please don't use us to study." Chrollo let out a small laugh, "I don't plan to. Bono and Franklin, make sure they don't break anything." They both nodded and Bono went back to writing music and Franklin went into the living room to keep an eye on everyone." Shizuku, wearing only a towel came out of the shower, "Can Pika stay while you are gone?" Chrollo just whimpered "Only if you guys defend me when I get back." Machi just shrugged while Shizuku heads back into the bathroom to put on clothes. Kortopi brings Chrollo's coat because of the winter season. "Thanks, Kortopi. Alright, I'm heading out, see you later." The rest of the troupe still there just shrugs and Chrollo leaves

About 25 minutes after Chrollo leaves, Kurapika joins the party. "HEY BITCHES, GUESS WHICH FUCKER IS HERE WITH ME." Franklin just sighs from all the noise and Bono puts on some noise-canceling headphones so he can keep composing. Meanwhile, Machi, Pakunoda, Shizuku, and Shalnark gets up to hug Kurapika, knocking them to the ground. "Oof, can't breathe, help." Gon pops around the corner and Nobunaga greets him with a friendly smile. "You've grown since the last time I saw you," 

Uvogin said with a freshly opened beer in his hand. "Yes, big Gon now," said Feitan as he was in Phink's lap. "Yeah, it's been about a year." chuckled Gon. "How have you been?" Gon didn't really know how to respond, not much has happened and he is with the troupe. This group of people's life is so exciting that they see more in one week than he saw in his whole life. "I'm fine, still straight," Kurapika interrupted "Straggot." Gon, slightly annoyed said, "BITCH WHAT DOES THAT EVEN FUCKING MEAN." Bonolenov, finally removing his headphones, hits Kurapika on the top of his head. "OW, WHAT THE FUCK MUMMY MAN." "You guys sound like a beast." The rest of the troupe are still confused about the way he speaks

Phantom Troupe chat

Shalnark: Yo boss, did you reach the school yet?

Chrollo: Yeah, someone threw an egg at me

Hisoka: Me <3

Chrollo: Your aim sucks

Hisoka: I wasn't aiming for you

Chrollo: Stfu clown

Hisoka: that's on your paycheck

Chrollo: NIUDBUWEBFIUBUWIBIUBW PLEASE NO

Uvogin: You guys concern me

Nobunaga: You're one to talk

Kurapika: Well then, Uvogin just yeeted Nobunaga across the half

Chrollo: Bono, Franklin, I told you to watch them

Franklin: You said to make sure they don't break anything.

Chrollo: hmmm, smartass

Bono: I just wanted to write my music

Kalluto: Guys, I'm lost

Phinks: Where are you?

Kalluto: idk I'm lost

Feitan: I get car, drive now

Phink: You are still in my lap

Feitan: warm 

Pakunoda: Fine I'll get the car, Machi is coming with me

Machi: but it's cold 

Pakunoda: Sit in my large tits, they are warm

Machi: I-

Machi:

Machi: Whatever

Franklin: I'll go too

Pakunoda: You don't get my tits

Machi: Bono, you are the only one I can handle that isn't already going. Trade places with Franklin

Bono: Only if I get to choose the music

Machi: Only if I can say no to 5 of them

Bono: deal

OG chat

Alluka: Where do I live

Killua: I-

Illumi: You live with Hisoka and I, We made this living arrangement months ago. You are going to be late for dinner, where are you?

Alluka: I'm with Kalluto, lost in the woods. They said that the troupe is coming to grab us

Nanika: I'm sleeping next to Shizuku

Leorio: Context

Nanika: I have nowhere else to sleep. And not in the way you are thinking

Leorio: Ok good

Kurapika: SINCE WHEN WERE YOU HERE

Leorio: SINCE WHEN WERE YOU THERE???

Kurapika: Since I kidnapped Gon

Leorio: ...

Leorio: That's why it was on your calendar

Hisoka: Leorio, how's the black eye

Leorio: Swollen

Hisoka: <3

Leorio: How's the makeup

Hisoka: Smeared

Phantom troupe GC

Kalluto: I hear something, is that Bono?

Bonolenov: Yes

Kalluto: It's scaring me

Bonolenov: ;-;

Bonolenov: You didn't have to be rude about it

Machi: KALLUTO THERE'S SOMEONE ELSE THERE RUN

Kalluto: Oh that's my sister, Alluka

Machi: Oh, she looks cute

Kalluto: She says thanks

The 5 of them head back to the apartment. "Can you guys drive us to Hisoka's place?" Machi sighed "Sure, as long as I don't see him." Pakunoda heads inside to grab Nanika from Shizuku's arms. She walks in to see Uvogin and Shalnark making out, Phink sleeping with Feitan cuddling him, Nobunaga, Kurapika, and Gon "T" posing while chanting some Russian to a surrounded Kortopi rolling on the floor who seemed to be crying. "They have been chanting, FOR 2 HOURS. Kortopi is traumatized." Franklin says as he tries to cover his ears. She just passes all of them, grabs a sleeping Nanika, and heads back into the car. "Go without me, I need to take a picture of what's happening in there"

  
  


\-------------------------------------------------------------------

"Ok, go inside and send Illumi out, I need to talk to him." Machi says trying to understand the photo Pakunoda sent her. The twins head inside and Illumi is sent out...in a maid dress. "Yeah?"  Machi snaps a photo real quick and begins talking, "You need to keep an eye on your siblings, I found them in the woods. Also, you look good in that." Illumi with his flat dead tone says "Sorry for the trouble, here $100 for all that, also thanks, Hisoka made me wear this thing." Machi lets out a small laugh and starts to drive away. Once she gets home she's gonna cuddle like never before.


	5. The Visit

Loud panting can be heard. As Killua runs from a shadowy figure, he makes a sharp turn around the ally. He's cornered, the man is closing onto Killua. Killua makes a whispering plead, "Please, no, not again." The man just stares at him and lets out a chilling chuckle. "Hehehe, sorry pretty boy but you don't have a say in this." Killua tries to get past him but the larger man just puts his arm out and shoves Killua back against the wall. "Please." Killua's pleading has lost all sounds of resistance. "What did I ever do to you." The man doesn't respond and grabs him and whispers, "Let's have some fun, 𝘒𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘶𝘢." Tears start to run down Killua's face as he accepted his fate.

  
  


Killua has awoken from his slumber in a cold sweat. "Not fucking again." He looks at his surroundings to look for anything extraordinary. Nothing. He looks at his phone to see it says 3:48. "Fuck." Killua gets up only to hear a noise in the living room. Scared to death he grabs the gun that he keeps because he's constantly paranoid. Using what his father taught him, he silently exits his room and walks down the hallway. He points his gun at a figure, ready to shoot. "Killua, please don't shoot me." the raspy voice said. Killua was brought to tears and ran up to hug the figure. "Grandpa Zeno!" The old man smiles and looks at Killlua. "Now now, no need to cry over me." Killua keeps hugging, "I haven't seen you since I ran away with the rest of the kids, you were the only adult I could trust." Zeno smiles hugs his grandson back, "I know, I know, but you should know they aren't looking for you anymore. They have Milluki but they don't like him." Killua laughs, "I always feel bad for piggy, he never did anything wrong and they hate him."

Zeno and Killua talked for the next hour, Killua prepared coffee for both of them while they talk. "Well, this apartment looks nice, better than what I expected. Also, do you know what happened to Kalluto, Illumi, Alluka, and Nanika?" Killua responded, "Yeah the apartment had a good price. Kalluto is with the Phantom Troupe, they love them. Illumi is staying with his boyfriend." Zeno asked, "The same one?" Killua sighs, "Yeah, Hisoka. He's actually pretty nice, I'm glad Illumi picked him over our parents, even if it got him kicked out." Zeno replied once more, "Well, it's best to choose the one you love the most." Killua smiled, "Alluka and Nanika are actually staying with them. Hisoka always wanted kids and he says those two are a great compromise" Zeno finished his coffee and heads over to the kitchen to place the cup in the sink, "Well I should probably visit them, I know Illumi and Hisoka are strong enough to not need to point a gun at me." Zeno says as he raises an eyebrow. Killua awkwardly chuckles, "haha, yeah. Sorry about that, I'm just paranoid." Zeno's face turned into a frown, "And I know why, but I understand if you don't want to talk about it." Killua softly nods, "Well I'm going back to bed, night grandpa Zeno!" Zeno walks towards the door, "Night, I'm going to go visit Illumi, Hisoka, Alluka, and Nanika. I'll wait to do Kalluto until it's broad daylight, I might get dismembered." Killua waves, "byeee!" Zeno cracks a smile, "bye." The door closes.

Zeno pulls out his phone to call someone, "No, he's not here." Zeno puts his phone back into his pocket and walks down some stairs. "Now then, where am I?"


	6. The meet up

  


Killua is scheduled to meet up with the gang in about an hour. Killua being Killua, started to panic. "What if they don't like me?" or "What if they find me weird?" were questions roaming his mind. Dress formal or casual? Show true self or mask? And most importantly, how much gay is too much gay? Most questions to never be answered as it gets closer to the meetup time. He was unsure who would be there too. He knew that Kurapika would be there, and that's it. He didn't know about the others.

Finally, Killua left his apartment, he decided to be a trap. Having guys hit on him and then reveal his gender was always fun. He once made a 12-year-old homophobic kid hard when he was 14, ahhhh, good times. He was wearing an oversized sweater, with a bra underneath, revealing the straps. He also wore short shorts to be even more convincing. They were to meet at an address Killua was unfamiliar with but is surprisingly close to where he lived.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

After about 15 minutes of walking, Killua reached his destination. A diner. Killua walked in practically immediately having to what he assumes to be, a 15-year-old boy, clawing at his feet. He gave the person a wink and walked off. He saw Kurapika sitting at a table with 2 others. An old-looking man and a green spiky hair person. He walked towards them and stood in front of the table to have looked from all of them. It took Kurapika a moment to figure out who it was. Leorio was just staring "Wow, you look beautiful." Killua smirked, "Thank you." He looked at the green hair person who was speechless. Gon's mind was running wild "Holy shit she's beautiful. Who is she?" Kurapika decided to ruin it and speak, "Why hello Killua, you are looking feminine." Leorio and Gon just gasped, Leorio decided to speak, "HOLY FUCKING SHIT, YOU'RE KILLUA???" Killua just laughed, "Why yes handsome boy." Leorio can feel himself blushing a little. Killua down the table to see Gon, to which Killua froze up."It's him." Killua thought to himself. Then the door flung open. "We have arrived. Oop- Are we interrupting something? Also, you look amazing Killua~" Hisoka says with Alluka and Nanika holding his hands. Illumi was behind them. It took the 3 Zoldyck children a moment to realize who that was. Seeing Alluka, Nanika, Illumi, and even the man he wet himself for made Killua ran to the bathroom out of embarrassment. The Zoldyck child all said at the same time, "THAT'S KILLUA???" Hisoka laughed at their stupidity.

About 5 minutes after Killua ran into the bathroom, Kurapika and Hisoka went to check if he was doing alright. "Hey Killua, you alright. I'm sorry if this is too much for you." Hisoka said, this was the first time he heard his boss talk with a caring tone. "I'm sorry, do you want us to grab a change of clothes?" Kurapika said. They both heard soft sounds, which they presumed to be crying. "Do you want some space?" Hisoka said, "No, it's fine. I'm coming out soon." Hisoka and Kurapika both said ok and walk off. Killua realized how caring they were, even though they are known as the "jokers", they refrained from making a gay joke with that last comment. It was a small gesture but it meant everything to Killua. 

After 5 more minutes, Killua came out of the bathroom. He was glad no one tried to surround him. He should probably thank Kurapika and Hisoka later

"KILLUA!!!" said all the remaining Zoldyck children. Hisoka immediately shuts them up. "How are you feeling?" Hisoka says with his calm tone. Killua looks around to all his friends and family staring at him. "Embarrassed..." Alluka walks up to Killua, and hugs them, "I'm sorry Oni-chan." Nanika goes to hug Killua as well. Illumi just stares and walks out of the diner. Hisoka cursed under his breath and went after Illumi. After Hisoka and Illumi left, the rest of the group went to hug him. Once they finished their hug session, they pulled some tables and chairs to fit them all. Once they finish that they all sit down. Nanika and Gon at the window, Alluka next to gon, which is also next to Leorio who is on the outmost side. Next to Nanika is Killua, followed by Kurapika on the outmost side. They then have a nice conversation about LGBTQ+ rights and how fucked up the world is.

20 minutes after Hisoka and Illumi left, Hisoka comes back. "Well well well, look who came back," Leorio says with a more annoyed tone. "You know, you could've stayed and let him go." Hisoka became extremely irritated by this comment which caused Kurapika to smack him on the side of the head. "Jackass, didn't I already tell you?" Leorio turns has a confused expression but after a moment understands. "Hisoka, I'm sorry." Hisoka just stares, "Dick." Suddenly Illumi walks in, which then causes people to look at him. He was in a rather colorful dress. Killua looks behind him to see what's happening. "I-" was all Killua could say before Illumi started talking, "I'm sorry for leaving so suddenly, I thought that dressing like this would make you feel more comfortable." Alluka snaps a picture and sends it to the troupe

Phantom Troupe gc

Alluka: *sends image*

Chrollo: IS THAT ILLUMI???

Alluka: of course

Hisoka: Alluka, stop blackmailing your brother

Alluka: no <3

Uvogin: Jesus fucking Christ you are like Hisoka

Alluka: *offended noises*

Feitan: Who Alluka

Phinks: Kalluto's brother

Alluka: Sister*

Kalluto: Sister*

Hisoka: Sister*

Machi: Sister*

Pakunoda: Sister*

Phinks: Sorry. Kalluto's sister

Alluka: Thank you very much eyebrowless man

Bonolenov: Damn

Alluka: Shut it hole man

Bonolenov: ;-;

Phinks: why must I always be insulted

Feitan: it funny

Alluka: Shut it gremlin

Shizuku: Alluka is attacking

Alluka: Shut it...

Alluka: I have no insults, you are perfect <3

Pakunoda: Damn

Alluka: Shut it physics breaking titty

Chrollo: I am concerned for this child

Alluka: Shut the fuck up you white, Jesus following, Hetero cismale, heart breaker, gang leader, Mcdonald's working, nerdy, bitch.

Chrollo: ...Who added you and why am I always attacked

Kurapika: I added her <3

Chrollo: WHO ADDED YOU

Kurapika: Jesus

Chrollo: :(

Hisoka: aka me <3

Back to the real world

"Thank you Illumi, it does help." Illumi puts his hand on Killua's head. "Anything for my brother." Leorio, Gon, and Hisoka are now crying from the wholesome gesture.

  



	7. Family Visit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning, F slur is used

  


The group were enjoying their time together. Making sex jokes, laughing at Illumi but hugging Killua. It was rather calm till Illumi got a notification on his phone. He looked at it to notice it was the alarm he set in case one of his parents are within 500 feet of him. "Killua, Alluka, Nanika, go to the bathroom and don't come out till I text you 'Twink'.  
The 3 siblings looked at each other confused.  
"but-"  
"No, get in there, now. Don't try and peak, stay quiet, and keep the door locked."

Alluka grabbed Nanika from sheer fear of how serious Illumi's voice was. Killua decided not to question it and followed them.

"What the fuck was that?" Leorio said.

Hisoka was rearranging the tables as quietly as possible to make the table look to only fit 5-6 people and then sat down himself.

"In short, one of my parents is almost here," Illumi said trying to stay composed.

"Wait, the ones who kicked you out for being gay, the one's who abused Alluka and Nanika for being transgender? The one's who...Never mind," Kurapika said.

Hisoka just stared at the table and with a dead tone, "The one and only."

A large man entered the diner, with greyish blonde hair, the hair seems to have a weird curl and could act as a thread to sew. The large man looked around the diner to see Kurapika, Leorio, and Gon just looking at him, he notices that there are two more people at the table, he is currently unable to see their faces. He walks around the diner and gets a good look at Hisoka and Illumi's face. "Fuck," Illumi said under his breath when he realizes he's still wearing rather, not masculine clothing. "Hello...Illumi."

"Hello, Silva." Illumi didn't wish to call Silva his father anymore, that title belongs to someone who took care of him and loved him for who he is. "Is that him, the reason we kicked you out." Everyone can feel the intensity in the air, "Yes, and he's quite great." Silva kept staring, analyzing Hisoka, Leorio, Kurapika, and Gon. "Where is he?" said Silva

"Who are you referring to?" Illumi said with a smug voice. This irritated Silva but he didn't lose his composure. "Don't act all smart with me. But fine, I'll go down the list. Where is he, where is Kalluto?" This annoyed Hisoka because Kalluto went by they/them. Illumi thought about a response. "With the Phantom Troupe." Silva's face didn't change. "Where is he, where is Alluka." At this point, each one at the table was ready to pounce on Silva. "Also with the Phantom Troupe." Silva nodded, "What about that thing." Hisoka was squeezing his own leg to hold back, he was making himself bleed. "Same as the others," Illumi said. "Finally, where. is. Killua?" Illumi turned his head to make eye contact with Silva.

"Don't know."

Enraged, Silva grabbed the much smaller Illumi and slammed him against the wall, with his hand on his throat. "Don't lie to me you fucking faggot. You are a disgrace to this family and the world as a whole. You are making friends with people beneath you, and just by the way they look, I can tell you are making friends with faggots. Just look at the way you are dressed. You are a fucking whore." Hisoka calmly gets up and firmly puts his hand on Silva's shoulder, his nails are making Silva ooze out plenty of blood. "I have to kindly ask of you to remove your fucking hands, off my fucking partner," Hisoka says with a charming smile. Silva grabbed Hisoka's neck with his other hand and shoves him across the room which causes Silva to lose even more blood. Leorio, Kurapika, and Gon grab some knives on the table and point them at Silva, merely centimeters away from impaling him.

"I recommend you put him down, we aren't fighters like the troupe or even Hisoka, but a knife this close won't miss." Leorio says

Silva lets Illumi go which causes him to fall onto the floor, gasping for air. Leorio, Gon, and Kurapika put their knives away. Silva darts at Hisoka, catching the rest off guard, and kicks the already down Hisoka right in the ribs. "YOU FUCKING FAGGOTS SHOULDN'T EXIST, YOU ARE THE REASON, MY CHILDREN LEFT!!!" Silva continues to repeatedly kick Hisoka in the ribs and gut, Hisoka at this point is coughing up an insane amount of blood. Without thinking, Illumi grabs a knife and charges at Silva in desperation to help his partner. Silva heard this and grabs Illumi's arm and twists it, and proceeds to pin Illumi to the ground. Hisoka grabs a piece of a broken table and stabs Silva in the leg, he was aiming for the spine but he is unable to reach. Silva groans in pain and stomps on Hisoka. Hisoka used his arms to try and protect himself from the repeated attacks. Finally, a police officer comes in and points their gun at Silva. "Freeze!" Silva stopped and walks over to the police officer putting his hands on his head to try and appear non-hostile, Silva is put into a police car. According to the police, the owner of the diner saw the entire thing and called the police when Silva grabbed Illumi. He was admittedly surprised at how quickly they arrived.

Illumi, with his raspy voice, asked if they can take Silva to the station while they are questioned here. The officer asked why which Illumi responded, "If he saw something, then you will be forced to kill him." The officer didn't understand but complied. Illumi grabbed his phone and texted "twink" to Alluka. The 3 siblings walked out, they were only about to hear but never see. They open the door to see multiple tables destroyed, pools of blood in 3 different areas, Leorio, Gon, Kurapika, and the owner talking to the police officers. Illumi saw the 3 siblings and told the officer, "That's why, he kicked out me and those 2 girls from home and the white hair one ran away from the abuse." The police officer nodded, "I understand, is this why this whole thing happened?" Illumi nodded, "Yes, I told him that those 2 are with some friends and the white hair one that I don't know, that's when he grabbed me." The officer took notes, "Ok, I'm going to need your phone number, also, is that man with the redish purple hair with you?" Illumi said, "Yes, he's my boyfriend." The police officer started to walk away, "You can join him in the ambulance, the rest of your friends and family will have to walk or drive to the hospital." Illumi nodded, "I understand, thank you."

Killua walked up to Illumi, "W-what happened"

Illumi still with his blank face told Killua, "Our parents are looking for all of us, I told him Alluka, Nanika, and Kalluto are with the troupe. I also told him I do not know where you are, that's when this fight broke out. Leorio and Kurapika, can you take Alluka, Killua, and Nanika to the troupe?"

Leorio simply nodded, "We understand." Illumi let out a small smile. "Wait, we want to go to the hospital to see Hisoka, he protected us, we can't just leave him alone," Alluka said. Illumi frowned. "Think about it, Silva will get out of jail due to bail money, he will keep looking for you. Yes, Hisoka fought for all of us but if Silva catches you at the hospital, all this would be for nothing. Hisoka will live with the guilt that he caused you all to be taken, and even though you were so close, he couldn't do anything. You can thank him when he's better. The troupe can take on our family. A hospitalized Hisoka, can't. Do you understand?" Alluka looked down in shame. "Yes..." Leorio called a taxi and the group of 5 went in.

Illumi went to the ambulance and it started to drive. Hisoka was currently unconscious. Illumi held his hand. "I'm sorry, please don't leave me. I love you." The medic heard this and tried his hardest not to cry. He heard the desperation in Illumi's raspy voice.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The taxi arrived at the Phantom Troupe's large apartment. They went knocked on the door, to be greeted by Uvogin, strangely. Uvogin let them in, "I heard what happened, are you all alright?" They all nodded, "Hisoka, he's probably in the hospital currently. He took the bulk of the hits." Gon said. "We were utterly powerless when our friend was being beaten to death. Illumi ran at Silva in desperation and was easily stopped." Chrollo spoke softly, "I understand that you might not feel safe currently. But please feel free to stay here as long as you need. I and Kurapika might have a rough past but I can not allow any of you to be hurt. Uvo volunteered to check everyone at the door to keep you all safe, when Uvo is sleeping, Franklin takes care of the door." Kurapika smiled, "Thank you all so much. This means everything to us." Machi started to speak, "Of course, you are our friends, and can't allow you to get hurt." Bonolenov spoke up, "If those people come here, we'll be sure to squash them like the ant they are."  
At this point, Alluka was in tears. "Why, why did we do nothing to help him. Now he's in the hospital injured and possibly worst and we are here cowarding in fear!" Alluka runs down the hallway. No one stops her, they are felt the same way.

They are thought the same thing. "Hisoka, please be alright."

  



	8. The Greatest Date

It's been 2 weeks since the incident. Hisoka received plenty of treatment. He has several cracked ribs, had some internal bleeding, and two fractured arms. The doctors say it will take him 4 months to heal. Hisoka knows his own body and tells them it will take 2-6 weeks. The doctor is suspicious but still discharges him. Illumi pushes him in the wheelchair. "Can we zoom around?" Hisoka ask, Illumi looks at him with confusion, "Are you 5?" Hisoka just blankly stares at him. "Yes." Illumi laughs, this was the man he fell in love with. Illumi runs around with Hisoka making the "Weeeeee" noises.

After about 20 minutes of zooming around, Illumi gets tired and sits on a bench. Hisoka gets up and sits next to him. "Beautiful day, isn't it?" Hisoka was shocked by this comment. Illumi wasn't the kind to talk about the scenery. Hisoka let out a small chuckle, "Not as beautiful as you sweetie." Illumi had a small blush that Hisoka adored. "Why don't we go somewhere else, we haven't gone on a date in a long time." Illumi smiled, "Of course." Illumi gave Hisoka a small kiss on the lips. Hisoka got up and sat in his wheelchair and Illumi rolled both of them away.

"Why don't we go on a picnic." Illumi said, "Really?" said the surprised Hisoka. "Yeah, let's go on a picnic, the open field, just us." Hisoka smiled, "That sounds lovely."

The two go to Target to get the materials for the picnic. "Can we go to Ikea?" Hisoka asked. "You only want to ride the cart things," Illumi said while paying. "You know me too well~"

The couple goes to Ikea and zooms around once more, this time with Hisoka falling off the cart and almost getting run over. 

"Well, that was fun <3" Illumi just glared, "YOU ALMOST DIED!! AGAIN!!!" Hisoka made a frown. "Illumi, life is about living, not surviving. I fought Silva because I wanted to, he was hurting you and was a dick in the first place." Illumi snapped back, "I can't live my life if you aren't in there! You mean everything to me Hisoka! Silva being alive or dead doesn't matter to me if you aren't sleeping next to me...if you aren't there with me." Hisoka was frozen, Illumi was one to never share his feelings, but here he was, sharing how much he loves Hisoka. This made Hisoka tear up a little. "I-i'm sorry Illumi, but I promise you won't have to deal with losing me until we are old." Hisoka saw something he didn't expect, Illumi was crying. "Sweetie, I'm sorry," Hisoka says as he tries to wipe away Illumi's tears. "Let's have that picnic." 

"We're here" Illumi said. Hisoka opened his eyes. They were at the park where they had their first kiss, "Sweetie, this is amazing. But you didn't need to take us here." Illumi smiled, "I still want to take you to this place, I want to share more moments with you." Hisoka looked at his partner, he was in tears at this point. Illumi started to panic, "Are you hurt?! Did I say something that hurt you?! Please Hisoka, tell me what's wrong?!" Hisoka tried to calm Illumi down, "Wow, you're sensitive. I was crying because of how beautiful you are, from what you said to how you look. You are gorgeous in every sense of the word." They then shared a rather long, beautiful kiss.

"Can we go to Starbucks?" Hisoka asked, Illumi smirked, "Am I thinking the right one?" Hisoka did he signature dumb smile, "No, of course not." Illumi let out a small laugh. "Ok ok, let's go."

After half an hour of walking and zooming, they reach Starbucks. "Ah yes, the place where we first met. I was ordering, you were sitting alone. I went to talk to you and the rest is history." Hisoka said, Illumi just sighs, "You talked to me because I was crying." Hisoka looked at Illumi, "Sweetie, you were cutting yourself, I don't care who you are, I'm going to see what was wrong. The only difference this time is that we fell in love." Illumi was about to argue but realized how Hisoka was right so he just nodded. They go sit at a table, "Damn, never would've thought it would be this empty." Illumi was also confused, "Well imma head to the bathroom real quick, you don't need to help me."

Hisoka was in the bathroom for 10 minutes and finally came out. He walked over to Illumi's table and held his hands with both his. "Illumi, you mean everything to me, you are someone I can always rely on, and someone I can always cry on." Hisoka reaches into his pocket."Illumi Zoldyck." Hisoka pulled out a small box and opened it. "Will you marry me."

  



	9. The answer

“WAIT WHAT!??!!?!” Illumi yelled with surprise

Hisoka had an extremely nervous face, which to anyone who knows him would be terrifying. Hisoka is known for 3 expressions, cockyness, mild irritation, and compassion. He doesn’t show it often but he has parental instincts, Alluka is very aware of this mostly when she stays out late, Hisoka often goes crazy when Alluka or Nanika isn’t home on time. Nervousness was a new emotion to everyone. Hisoka felt immediate regret and closed the box.   
“Shit, fuck. I’m sorry.” Hisoka cursed,

Illumi paused, he wasn’t always one to understand emotions. He did know that Hisoka felt bad, yet he didn’t know why. “Why’d you close the box?” This time Hisoka paused, “I-...What do you mean?”

Illumi finally figured out what Hisoka was thinking, he left out a small laugh. Hisoka just stared with both concern and confusion. “I never said no.” Hisoka took a moment to process what Illumi just said. Once Hisoka figured out what the absolute fuck just happened, his face lit up. 

“And yes, I would love to marry you.” Illumi said with a bright smile. He leaned forward to Hisoka’s face and gave him a light kiss on the lips. Hisoka, still smiling, kissed him back but with a lot more emotion. That’s when Illumi heard a snap and pulled out a knife that he keeps with him ever since his father said hello. Hisoka just put his hand on Illumi’s arm to lower the knife. Suddenly, as if this were a movie or fanfic ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), a crowd of people bursts out of everywhere. Killua and Nanika from the register. Alluka, Kurapika, Leorio from the bathroom that Hisoka went in. Ponzu (remember her, yeah, neither did I) tried to kick the door down while screaming “BEES” from the outside but fell. Gon burst through the wall next to Hisoka and Illumi that was for some reason made of paper while screaming “REEEEEEE.” And finally, the entire troupe burst from the fucking roof, most of the members were taught how to land safely and Uvogin caught Feitan, Kalluto, and Kortopi. And in practical unison, they all screamed at the top of their lungs, “THAT’S FUCKING GAY!!!” Illumi had his jaw down in shock, Hisoka looked surprised and did a little mini clap like a child. Illumi finally fixed his jaw.

“WHAT THE FUCK!? SO MANY QUESTIONS!!!” Illumi yelled. Hisoka watched with amusement with this expression. :D

“1 IS PONZU OK, SHE LOOKS DEAD! 2 WHY WERE YOU IN THE FUCKING ROOF?! 3 WHY DID GON BURST THROUGH A FUCKING WALL???!!!”

Hisoka kept his :D expression, until he finally answered questions that were not asked. “I asked them to come here, I told them I would propose today. The bathroom was a place for me to grab the ring and also hyperventilate. I asked them to surprise us when you answered. I did not expect that” Hisoka says while pointing to Gon. “I BROKE A WALL!!!” Gon yelled. Hisoka just stared blankly, “Now I have to pay for that too -_-” Alluka ran up to Hisoka and gave him a large ass hug with tears running down her face. “I’M SORRY YOU HAD TO GET HURT TO PROTECT ME, I SHOULDV’E TOOK THE HITS, NOT YOU!!! I’M WORTHLESS!”   
Hisoka was in shock Alluka would think this, “Sweetie, can I call you sweetie?” Illumi just stared at Hisoka, “Sexually or parentally?”   
Hisoka gasp, “Hey! I might have a sexual personality but I don’t just flirt with my fiance’s sister. Anyways, don’t say you are worthless. I protected you, not because I have to, but because I wanted to. You mean a lot to me, your smiles are so incredibly bright. You are what people would call a light, keep shining bright for me, ok?” Alluka kept sniffling, “O-ok.” Hisoka gave a soft smile and gave Alluka a hug, “I missed you.” Machi just stared, “Since when was Hisoka parental?” Hisoka let Alluka go to wipe off her tears, “For as long as I could remember to be honest. I don’t show it too much but I have some motherly instincts.” Hisoka says without taking eye contact off of Alluka. Hisoka then gives Alluka a kiss on the forehead, leaving everyone shocked, Hisoka's face was full of pure confusion.

“W-what did I do?” Hisoka stuttered

“You kissed my forehead” Alluka stated

“So? I consider you my child in some ways” Hisoka said

“That would be flattering if I didn’t know your personality”

Hisoka had a blank expression, “So, wedding planning time?”


	10. Back at work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We back at Mcdonalds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning.  
> A Karen says the trans slur and the gay slur. Please don't read if this triggers you. This isn't important to the story so this chapter can be skipped.

Kurapika, Killua, Ponzu are working at Mcdonald’s with a new worker coming in today. According to Hisoka, the new worker had an interview 3 days prior.  
“I hope the new worker is a straight dude, I want to hit on them, then break his heart when I reveal my true gender,” Killua says with a big grin on his face.

“I want someone who respects my pronouns, I have low as FUCK standards,” Kurapika says while mopping.

“I want them to like bees,” Ponzu says,

“Why don’t you masturbate to them,” Kurapika says. Ponzu snapped her neck to stare at Kurapika and uttered a single word, “Bet.” Kurapika puts the mop down and pulls out his phone.  
“Bet.”  
They both head to the bathroom, Killua was left behind. The day wasn’t busy so he didn’t mind.

After 10 minutes, Kurapika and Ponzu come out of the bathroom.   
“How’d it go?” Ponzu had a big grin on her face while Kurapika just put their hand on Killua’s shoulder. 

“I recorded it.”

Killua froze, “Show.”

Killua watched in disappointment at a video of Ponzu masturbating.  
“You know, I’m not sure what I expected. I keep forgetting I’m gay so when I watch shit like this, I get confused on why I’m not turned on.” 

The entrance door opened, Kurapika was able to see who came in, Killua was facing the other way. “Speaking of being turned on, why don’t you turn around,” Kurapika says with a massive grin. 

Killua rolls his eyes and turns around, only to immediately turn back. “Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck” Killua mumbles. Kurapika leans forward, 

“Are you mumbling what you want?” Killua squealed and ran as fast as he could to the bathroom. “Huh? Well, he never denied it. Anyways, HELLO THERE, MY GREEN HAIRED, TALL AS FUCK, STRAIGHT, SON OF A BITCH, MUSCULAR FRIEND!!!” 

Gon sighs “Hello to you too, Kurapika. Also, why did Killua run to the bathroom?” 

“He was too horny to be around you, so he went to go fuck himself while thinking of you.”  
“...” “What”

“Did I fucking stutter”  
Killua came out of the bathroom. “Wow, I didn’t expect you to be that fast,” Kurapika said while making some fries.

“SHUT YOUR MOUTH YOU FEMBOY!” Killua screamed  
Kurapika snickered “You’re one to talk.”

“Am I interrupting something?” Gon asked  
Kurapika said yes while Killua said no.

“BITCH LET HIM WORK!” Killua screams  
“BITCH LET ME SHOW HIM AROUND” Kurapika screams back  
“...” Gon then walks into Hisoka’s little office

“Ah, Gon. Come in, come in. Please take a seat.” Hisoka says with enthusiasm.

“So, what do I do?” Gon asked.  
Hisoka just smiles, “Why you do everything, of course, here everyone takes the same job. But based on your skills you might be in some places more than others. You are extremely strong physically so you will probably be in storage. This means you bring supplies from trucks, you carry shit around. Blah blah blah”

“Would it be possible if I could work in the kitchen or the register?”

Hisoka squinted from the request, “Why may I ask?”

“I want to be near my friends.” Gon answered.  
Hisoka smiled, “Of course, I always try and put friends together, as long as you actually work. I don’t mind.”

Gon nodded and walked back out, he heads to the bathroom to put on his new uniform. Gon walks into the kitchen after he puts on the uniform. “Hey.” he says. Kurapika is at the grill, Ponzu is taking the order of something in the drive-through, and Killua is curled up in a ball.” Kurapika looks up at Gon, “Work the register, you caused that,” they say as they point towards Killua.

About three hours later, plenty of people came in. Finally, the person Killua has been preparing for came in, a Karen. She walks in, with a walk that makes her think she’s superior to everyone else. There is one other person in the store that already ordered and is patiently waiting for their food. “Alright, hmm? Excuse me.” said the woman. 

Kurapika still making some fries says back, “Just a moment madam.” 

The women scoffed, “I don’t have a moment, get over here.” Killua just sighs and walks over to the counter. 

“Good evening, what would you like to order?” 

The woman looked at Killua, she examined him. “Sorry but women shouldn’t be working in a dump like this, I won’t be looking at you.” 

Killua tries to remain composed, “Ma’am, I do have to inform you that I am male.” The woman began to show anger rather than annoyance. 

“Are you a tranny or something?” Kurapika overhears this and begins to pay more attention, Ponzu is currently unaware of the situation, but she knows someone walked in and isn’t having their order taken. 

“No ma’am, I am not transgender.” The man who is currently waiting for their order looks at the woman with disgust. 

The woman looks at the man, “What the fuck do you want. They are the workers, I own them until I leave.” The man just stares at her with utter disbelief. 

“Ma’am, your order please,” Killua repeats.

“I am not having my order taken by some faggot.”

“Alright then, I’ll just go cook, Ponzu can deal with this.” Killua walks to the back and tells Ponzu the situation, Ponzu then walks to the register, “Miss, can I please have your order.” The woman scoffs again. “A lady shouldn’t be in this dump, I need a male Christan to take my order.”

They all look at each other and think the same thing. 

“Chrollo.” 

Ponzu looks at the woman, “Please give me a moment while we fetch the person.”

Chrollo was in the very back, working on stocking shit. Ponzu comes up to him and tells him everything. Chrollo walks to the register, 

“Finally, someone I can talk to.” the woman says. “How do you deal with homosexual coworkers, it must be hell, they must be dragging you with them, aren’t they?” 

Chrollo sighs, “Miss, they aren’t dragging me to hell. They are great people and haven’t done anything wrong. Unless you count homosexuality, which I don’t. So please, your order?” 

The woman is in the middle of ordering until she sees something. 

“Could you move your hair to the side a little?” Chrollo is confused but does so. 

“I KNEW IT, YOU ARE A SINNER! YOU MARKED YOUR OWN BODY!!!” Chrollo has a blank face but then remembers, he has a tattoo of a cross on his forehead and facepalms. 

“Let me speak to your manager.” Chrollo walks around to Hisoka’s mini-office. Hisoka walks out and greets the woman, “Hello there miss, what seems to be the problem.” 

The woman looks at Hisoka again. “I asked for the manager, not the fucking mascot.” 

Hisoka chuckled, “I get that a lot, but I am the owner here.” 

The woman was shocked, “Why would you hire these homosexual devils?!?!?!”

The man that was waiting for his order finally spoke up, “Girl, shut the absolute fuck up. They aren’t the devils in this situation. They haven’t done anything wrong AND they look so much better than you.” Killua and Kurapika heard this a blew a kiss to the woman. 

“This is outrageous!!! When I tell your wife you have been meddling with gays I’ll-” 

Hisoka cuts her off, “Ma’am, I don’t have a wife, I don’t have a girlfriend, I have a boyfriend who is currently my fiance. Please, by all means, get out of my gay fast food joint.” 

The woman just walks away. “Thank you for saying all of that, but you didn’t have to,” Kurapika tells the man.

“No no, I just hate it when people are like that. So, where’s my food.”

Killua grabs the bag and gives it to the man, “An extra amount of fries for the trouble.” 

The man smiles and grabs the bag from Killua and heads towards the door, “Thank you, have a nice day you guys.”

“You too!!!” they all say together


	11. The assault

Knock knock

Hisoka is awakened by the knocking coming from the door. He slowly gets up, tucks Illumi back to bed. He puts on his fluffy walrus slippers and heads out of the room. He turns towards the front door but decides to check on Alluka and Nanika first. He slowly opens the door to gaze in, he looks in the pink room and sees all their stuffed animals on the floor, and the two girls in their own bed, fast asleep, Hisoka has a soft smile before softly closing the door and starts to head to the front door. He proceeds to open the door, followed by him slamming it shut.   
“Fuck fuck fuck fuck”

Hisoka grabs the nearest solid object and barricades the door. “FUCK!”  
Hisoka runs into his room and shakes Illumi. “YOUR FUCKING FATHER IS HERE!” Illumi was barely awake and just groaned, “Hisoka, fiv-five more minutes.” 

Hisoka just glares and grabs the airhorn he uses to torture people and blasts it in Illumi’s face. “HISOKA WHAT THE FUCK!”   
Hisoka slaps him even more awake, “Your FATHER is at the front door.” 

Illumi’s eyes widen, by the time he got out of bed, Hisoka already has a barely awake Alluka and Nanika in hand. “What’s happening?” Alluka asked. 

Hisoka hesitated to give an honest answer. Before Hisoka could even answer Illumi spoke up, “There‘s a fire, we need to get out as fast as possible.” Hisoka pulls out his phone and calls Chrollo

“Help, he’s here” 

“Who’s here?”

“SILVA YOU DUMBASS!!!”

“Fuck, I’m on my way. I’ll bring Feitan, Phinks, Franklin, and Uvo.”

“Hurry the fuck up please.”

Hisoka hangs up and ran over to Illumi, Nanika, and Alluka. 

“Climb out the window, use the giant plushies as cushions. Alluka just realizes, “Wait, there are only 3 plushies, how are one of us getting down?” Illumi’s eyes widened, and looked at Hisoka, “no.” he says softly. “God please no, I can’t lose you again.”

Hisoka grasps Illumi’s hands with his own, “You won’t.” Hisoka says with a soft smile, Illumi starts to cry. “Please, just come with us.”  
Hisoka uses his thumb to wipe away Illumi’s tears. “We’ll be together soon.” Hisoka quickly ties a rope around Illumi and the plushy and throws him out the window. Illumi lands on the plush, Alluka and Nanika untie him. “Fuck, let’s run.” Alluka says, the other two nods.

They ran down the dark street, it was only four o'clock in the morning, most cars were parked and the road was completely empty. Illumi peeks around the corner to see their car guarded by 5 butlers. “I’m going to fight them, take the car keys. If I beat them, run over and start driving. If I fail, hide in the corner of that alley, worst-case scenario, use the keys as a weapon and whatever else you can find.” before Alluka could even interject, Illumi disappeared.

Illumi was thin, he was dressed in all black, and knew how to have perfectly silent footsteps, he would definitely be able to get the jump on them. He was stuck on two decisions, kill the butlers with a single strike to the arteries, a guaranteed kill against someone who was only doing what their boss told them to do, or knock them out, with the risk of them waking up. Killing them is a lot easier than knocking them out. 

He made his choice.

\--------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile back at the apartment, Hisoka grabs some tools, a baseball bat, a belt that he put some knives in (he got the belt because he loves batman), and a box of candy. He knocks the table down to act as a shield in case he needed it, he opens every door with a weapon right at the entrance for emergency situations. This entire time he heard someone throw themselves at the door, followed by a loud groan. He can tell from the deepness of their voice, it wasn’t Silva.  
Suddenly, the banging stopped. He heard a countdown from 3.

“Together! Three! Two! One! GO!”

The door was broken down by a battering ram. Two people he assumed to be butlers came running in with knives. Hisoka dropped the bat and ran at them. The butlers began to hesitate, one of them swung the knife in a diagonal direction, Hisoka moved to his left so the other butler couldn’t hit him, he grabbed the butler that swung by the arm, kick their legs to lose their balanced, and throws him to the ground, he made sure to take their knife. Hisoka lunged at the other butler and slid on the floor, kicking them in the crotch, followed by him slamming their head to the ground, in an attempt to knock them unconscious, he was successful. Hisoka immediately ran back to the baseball bat and hid behind the table. Thanks to Alluka and Nanika's playful nature, Hisoka made sure that the cabinets are all connected to each other, and connects to each room. He crawls in and heads over to his room which is closes to the front door. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, Illumi got as close as he possibly could without being noticed. He grabs a small rock next to him and ran at one of the butlers, he swings his fist and punches one of the butlers at the back of their skull, the butler stumbles onto another one. The other three butlers finally saw Illumi and comprehended what just happened and swung their fist, Illumi was able to avoid one but got hit by the others, one on his arm, the other near his stomach. Illumi stepped back and let out a small groan. Illumi recovered and ran right at them, two of the butlers move out of the way while one thought they could stop him, they were wrong. Illumi rammed into the stationary butler and shoves them forward, Illumi keeps moving and slams the butler into the light pole, he throws a punch and hits the butlers lower jaw, Hisoka taught him that this basically stuns the person temporarily, Illumi took this opportunity to use the rope Hisoka used to tie Illumi and ties the butler to the pole. 

Illumi sighs and the other two butlers run at him, Illumi notes their position and throws some dust to create a smoke cloud of sorts. He threw the small rock he’s been saving, the rock landed on the butler to his right, he kept note of where the butler was. The rock hits the butler right on the cheek and they back up, the other butler keeps running forward, Illumi emerges from the cloud of dust and punches the butler in the stomach, the butler groans and Illumi noticed the voice is more on the masculine side, he moves his fist to land a punch on the person’s crotch area, he does try and land a rather softer punch so they don’t be in too much pain, the butler collapses. 

Illumi is tired, he isn’t someone who’s used to fighting, he’s more used to running away or setting up elaborate mini traps, like leading his enemy to a dead end. Illumi was very resourceful, but now, he doesn’t have any resources, he used his rock, the rope, and the dust. He has one final idea, the art of deception, he would usually make this his first resource but not in this situation. The remaining butler appeared to be the physically largest and probably strongest. The butler appeared to be on the feminine side so he probably can’t land a punch to their crotch without risking everything. The butler spoke, “Master Illumi, we don’t want to hurt you, our job is to prevent anyone from getting to this car, including yourself, and if you did come, our other job was to take you to your father.”

Illumi thought for a moment and spoke, “Why does he want me and...what will happen to my siblings if I go with you.” Illumi when speaking finally realized who the butler was.

“Tsubone”

Tsubone grinned and spoke, “We don’t want your siblings, nor your friends, and definitely not your spouse.”

Illumi relaxed a little, “.....take me to him, IF you don't hurt my siblings or my friends.”

Tsubone smiled and grabbed some cuff she had, "Of course, Master Illumi." She says with a cheeky grin, she then cuffs Illumi up and they walk back to the apartment.

Alluka and Nanika watched, Nanika took the keys from Alluka, Nanika was definitely able to function currently unlike Alluka who was crying. Nanika watched as Tsubone and Illumi moved from the lamppost and disappeared into the night. Suddenly Alluka and Nanika were grabbed by unknown hands covering both of their faces. The night was still dark.


End file.
